Parents! We have all been in a situation where your child is throwing a fit or crying for what seems like no reason. What was your response? Was it something like “use your words” to understand what they are feeling?
Well, have you ever thought about how difficult it is for children to express what and how they are feeling? Likely because children do not actually know or understand what to name the feelings they are experiencing or how to talk about them. Instead, children will show us how they are feeling by throwing a tantrum, crying, shutting down, or having a meltdown in the middle of a grocery store. Don’t worry, we have all been there!
These situations are very common for children because they simply do not know what to do with all those big emotions they are feeling in their little bodies. The good news is that there are four simple things you can do as a parent to teach your child to talk about their feelings.
Start labeling the feelings you think your child is experiencing as they happen. If your child runs and hugs you, you can say “someone is excited to see me.” If your child is punching or kicking something, you can say “looks like you are angry or frustrated.”
When you child does something that upsets or angers someone else, let them know how their behavior might make others feel. This teaches your child to be mindful of how their words and actions might hurt others. AKA empathy. You can say something like “When you call your brother names, he felt sad, and his feelings were hurt.”
Model appropriate ways to express feelings to your child. Your child is always watching you, so you are influencing what they do and say all the time. If your child sees you expressing your feelings in a positive way, then they will learn to do the same. If they see you throwing things or yelling when you are angry, they will model that behavior.
Praise your child when they use words to express their feelings. When you praise your child for practicing good behavior it makes them more likely to continue to do that behavior. You can say something like, “I like how you told your friend you were sad that she did not invite you to her party.”
By encouraging your child to express their emotions you can help them talk about their feelings more clearly and openly. This will allow your child to build more positive and stable relationships, resolve conflicts efficiently, and cope with difficult feelings.
Many parents assume that their child can verbalize how they are feelings and can express them in a healthy way. But it is important to remember that it is difficult for children to express their feelings if they have never been taught. Using one or all the solutions can help you teach your child to express their feelings openly, directly, and efficiently.
Now, you might be thinking it is not that important to teach my child to express their feelings or they will learn how to express their feelings when they are older. BUT it is never too early for your child to learn how to express their feelings. In fact, the earlier the better so they can start practicing these skills and utilize them in a healthier way. So, by the time they are adolescents and adults they will be able to better identify their feelings, express them, work through them, accept them, and cope with them. Not to mention, it will make your life as a parent much easier.
Honor Your Emotions is a therapy practice in Dublin, California serving the East Bay Area including Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore and Danville.
Call (925) 577-4732 today for a free consultation!
