Congratulations, it’s 2022, you made it! It is a new year which means New Year’s resolutions are being constructed as we speak. Some of us have already begun making those annual resolutions that are intended to help us become better, look better, feel better, and so on.
Everyone talks about how making New Year’s resolutions will help them grow, but have you ever thought about how setting New Year’s resolutions could do more harm than good? Not only for yourself but for your relationship? If you think about it, the way you feel, think, and behave directly impacts your partner, so if your setting unrealistic resolutions or not completing those resolutions, that can affect your mood which then impacts your partner.
Of course, we intend for our New Year’s resolutions to help us reflect, grow, and build better relationships in general but sometimes it backfires. And if we are being honest, no one really wants to talk about how resolutions can cause more problems in your relationship even though it started with good intentions. So, let’s go through some of the ways setting New Year’s resolutions can backfire and hurt your romantic relationship.
Creating resolutions can cause self-doubt. Sometimes we can set ourselves up for failure because we fail to set realistic expectations. So, when our resolutions are not met, it can lead to feelings of doubt, disappointment, and anger. Doubting yourself can distort you view of many aspects of your life including your relationship. When we experience doubt, it can cause us to magnify our partner’s faults and make assumptions about how they view us.
Creating resolutions can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself and your relationship. In doing so, it can cause you to have unrealistic expectations about how you think your relationship should be and if those expectations aren’t met you may begin to harbor resentment or hatred towards your partner. It is important to not put pressure on your relationship and let it grow naturally.
Creating resolutions can cause you to become too critical or judgmental towards your partner. It can cause you to look past the progress and growth of your relationship and focus on your relationship’s weaknesses. Also, if you have not improved in a specific area of your relationship (as quickly as you would like) you can become critical, judgmental, or even punish your partner. Repeated criticism can negatively impact your partner’s confidence and make them doubt what they bring to the relationship. Remember, no one is perfect, and everyone has flaws to work on.
Creating resolutions can cause poor mental health that can affect both people in the relationship. By creating unrealistic resolutions, it can negatively affect your self-esteem and self-worth. When this happens, it can cause you to feel insecure and jealous in your relationship, requiring more reassurance from your partner, who may not have the ability to provide. Remember, engage in things that will boost your mental health and not diminish it.
Creating resolutions can cause you to be hyper focused on your resolutions while not prioritizing your relationship. An important part of being in a committed relationship means you and your partner must work together to make each other feel safe and secure. This means prioritizing your relationship and protecting it from outside forces. It is important to prioritize and protect your relationship from anything, especially silly things like New Year’s resolutions.
Simply put…New Year’s Resolutions are not for everybody. Some of us get too caught up in accomplishing these resolutions that we lose sight on the important things in our life like our relationship. I am here to tell you that you don’t need the new year to start working on your relationship. Just start doing so today.
If you’re interested in trying out couples counseling to strengthen your relationship, reach out to us!
We offer personalized online counseling and therapy services. Call (925) 577-4732 today for a free consultation!
Honor Your Emotions is a therapy practice in Dublin, CA serving the East Bay Area including Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore and Danville.
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